for grins

gg no re

I fell off the wagon tonight and returned to my bad habit of Craigslist Missed Connections. And I won’t apologize for it after coming across this gem. No other entry will ever rival it.

“Oh nice tomato, I’ll take that one for my sandwich.”

I don’t have the emotional capacity for this.

And thanks, Jason.

tomoatmeal: An Excerpt from my Romance Novel

With my nude, floral-painted body pressed firmly against the wall, I could only stand still and hope that it would blend seamlessly with the floral wallpaper, hiding me completely.

“She can’t divorce me if she can’t see me,” I thought.

“A date is a date.” -Saucy Thomson

2:39 PM Jedidiah: hahahahahaha
2:39 PM me: [expletive deleted]
2:39 PM me: now you know my dirty secret.
2:39 PM me: i overcame.
2:40PM Jedidiah: hahahaha your town.
2:42 PM Amy’s new status message - can’t drop out of her past.
2:42 PM Jedidiah: hahahahahah
2:47 PM Jedidiah: I’m so sorry that your failure is written in your geography
3:06 PM Amy’s new status message - Shred is Indiana Jones. My past is the Holy Grail.

I once gave a girl a bloody fake ear in a Tiffany jewelry box with a letter that said, ‘Will you Gogh to prom with me?’ Yeah, I guess I’m a romantic.

— Matthew Gray Gubler

I’m without words.

this bud’s for shred.